Friday, January 30, 2009
I'm so grateful to my 17 readers, I write for you guys and my family and it's such a warm and fuzzy feeling when you leave me comments, makes me feel like I'm good at something! In honor of my 1st Year I leave you with a list of my favorite posts..is that conceited of me..lol...Hope you enjoy and my 100th post is only 5 posts away so stay tuned for a give-a-way!!
These are in no particular order...:
1. My very first post
2. The Many hats of Nate
3. ABC Tag
4. A poem for my mom
5. New York Yankees
Ok, that's all for now for my favorites. Nate is running amuck and wants to go outside, so before I lose my mind even more...time to play!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
I had the most amazing experience on Monday, I was sitting at the computer doing homework (because that's what my life consists of these days) and I had Sesame Street on for Nate, well I was so engrossed in the screen that I had tuned everything out, when all of a sudden I feel his little hand touch my arm so gently and he peaks around at me with this very shy smile and says.."I love you!" and then giggles and hugs me! Now for mom's all around the world when your little one can finally grasp what it means to love and actually express it verbally, it's hands down one of the best days of my life. So, naturally after that I scopped him up and started giving him kisses and saying I love YOU I LOVE YOU over and over, so much so, that he will now shout it whenever he feels like saying it to me. It felt like all of my life has been summed up in his three little words to me, he and my daughter are the reason I'm here.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
The red dragon is the one that is 11 years old :)
The big purple dragon is covering my dolphin :)
My back has now undergone a complete transformation! My dolphin is gone, covered by another dragon and I now have a whole fantasy land that starts at the top and goes all the way down to the top of my tail bone. Most of the inspiration for what you see is based on Amy Brown, she's a well known artist that draws and paints faeries and dragons and other awesome creatures. My tattoo artist that designed the whole piece with me is Terry Oakes, she used to work at State of The Art Tattoo here in Tucson, but is now on her own. She and I have become pretty close through this whole process and I hope that she and I will remain close now that it's complete. The total time in hours that I sat for this piece was 80-90 over the course of a year. I have a total of 7 tattoos, I count my back piece as one because it's all connected, if I was to count each piece seperately it would add up to about 22 tattoos total...lol..
Here is my ink that I am so proud of...
**sorry about the flash..it's hard to take pics of my back without help..lol**
Monday, January 19, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Thanks for your sweet words Mark. Love you.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
This is me. yes it is a big machine I am not 2 feet tall standing next to a car tire. I have worked hard to get to where I am at in life, with a few if not many off course ventures.
I was born and raised by some of the best parents on the planet. Mark and Brenda. They taught me right from wrong and at times turned there heads at some of my wrongs. They believed in all I did and participated in all they could for me. I can't remember a time that they missed a ball game I played in ...no matter the miles it took to see it
I grew up in Grand Rapids MI. went to college in Big Rapids MI and this is where the fun started. Alcohol was introduced to me.....yes we became good friends.
I have held various jobs from large corporations to "mom n pop" companies. I was mostly in management positions.
I left Michigan in 2001, headed to Las Vegas, NV , then to Portland OR, Salem OR, Lakeland FL, Tampa FL, then decided enough is enough and left the corporate life and moved back to Las Vegas NV.
During all these moves and transitions I was in a self destruct mode, back in 2001 I lost a family member very close to me, He was like a brother. I felt bad because months prior to his death I left Michigan, after I left He informed me that he felt a little hurt since I left in a hurry and did not stop by to say goodbye, ans sadly I never got to see him to say goodbye. and do to this feeling I had from this error on my part I became better friends with alcohol did not care how much I drank, when I drank and rode my motorcycle everywhere i could sober or not .
I did not find much or trust much of anyone, until I returned to Las Vegas, and Worked as head of security at a good friends bar. this was a family away from my family. Yes I know people become friends with other co-workers and co-workers are like "family". which I call BS to. I have been in the co-worker "family" and it is nothing compared to this close fellowship of friends from Tommy Rocker and all the employees/co-workers. From the owner Tommy to bartenders, wait staff, cooks, management, and even custodial employees There was always the sense of someone was there truly looking out for you and your best interest. This may be hard for some to grasp but you would had to have worked in this environment to understand truly. it wasn't boyfriend girlfriend, guy girl, boss employee atmosphere it was brother, sister, long term friends.
If not for this family I would have not met my wife Mesa. We met at the bar,many of the bar employees were going to a midnight hockey game and Mesa lived with one of the employees and was invited to come along to the game., From there we were together since (luckily after that first kiss), I still was on my self destruct pattern and drinking alot having to call Mesa all hours of the night to drive me home and she put up with alot of my SH@! and for that I am thankful and am truly grateful for her to see through the stupid in me.
I recall one of the first times we hung out, we went to Walmart.......yes I know you all think that is sooooo romantic. but anyways we were at the store and I bought her a stuffed animal of Scooby Doo wearing pajamas, this way if I was not sleeping next to her I could trust Scooby to look out after her, I also bought her a bag of Lifesavers candys, so that way she would think of me when she had one. but the more I think about the bag of candy I think of it more that just a bag of candy , I really think I was handing her a request and lucky me she accepted the request.
After a couple of years we were married and a year later as most of you know came Nathen. He has just turned 2 and I am so proud to be his father, and crazy to admit it i find myself doing some of them annoying things my parents did and said when I was little.
It has been 2-3 years since I had a drink or even a drop of alcohol. Which i will go back to the bag of candy and the request. Mesa thank you for being a lifesaver. with out your commitment who knows where I would be or if I would still even be.
And for that Mesa you truly are my Lifesaver.
** Message from Mesa: Thank you The Scattered Mind of a Tattooed Minivan Mom for hosting the Guest Spot Blog party today! This has been a blast and I hope we get to do it again! :)** For more Blogs with guests please head over to hers!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
I was reading the Sunday paper today and I always browse through Parade, in doing so today I came across a really wonderful article that I would like to share with you. It's by The Dog Whisperer Cesar Millan.
What Your Pet Can Teach You
Live in the moment.
Nurture a balanced life.
Trust your instincts.
Be direct and consistent in your communication.
Learn to listen.
Don’t hold grudges.
Live with purpose.
Celebrate every day.
When I finished reading this I thought about Nathen and how easily all of these lessons can be applied to what our children teach us too, not just pets. When I am having a tough moment my son can usually tell and will walk up to me, touch my face, look at me with his big brown eyes and say "whats wrong?" and then he'll get this giant smile and giggle for absolutely no reason other than to make me smile in return, which I do-even if I don't want to. I can't seem to stay in a bad mood with him in my life and Thank GOD for that. So, I hope that I helped at least one of you dear friends see the importance of all these lessons and that we can all try to learn them in the best way possible, by doing them :). Have a Happy Sunday!!
Friday, January 9, 2009
"If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?"- This question was posted over at My Rambling Thoughts by The Rambler for her Think About It Thursdays post and it struck a cord with me.
For a few years now my own mortality has been on my mind, its inevitable because the older we get the more people we know and love seem to depart, so I often ask myself this very question. If I were to go would my children know just how much I really love them, have I done enough to show how much I appreciate all the hardwork Mark does on a daily basis and how grateful I am to him for allowing me the opportunity to stay home with our son? I am not so good at being as grateful as I should be and I know that as of lately I seem to be building a wall to keep out the bad, but in keeping out the bad I'm also keeping out the good.
Sometimes my survival instinct takes control and I shut myself off, but I mean seriously after all the stuff that has gone on, sometimes its just easier to try to be numb. I still feel the emotions I just try not to let them out, which is bad bad bad. So in an effort to cleanse my soul and open up again let me get heavy for a moment.
Here goes...I was raised by my grandmother, she was a hard woman, not affectionate unless you were an infant, rarely ever gave praise and she and I fought about everything until the day I moved out. She did what she could to provide a stable home for me and I regret the way I treated her. She passed very quickly in April of 2007, and I didn't get to say goodbye while she was still concious, if I could have I would have told her that she was more of a mom to me than my own and I love her with all of my heart and I am so honored to have been her granddaughter, she taught me more than I ever thought was possible and without her I would not be who I am.
My father was not around growing up, he was a drug addict and alcoholic and the most abusive man I have ever known, I watched him do some horrific things to my mom and even though I witnessed these things from the ages of 1 to 5 I still have a very clear memory of it all. He killed himself when I was 17, his kidneys were failing along with his liver and he decided on Christmas eve to pop as many pain killers as possible and drink one last beer, that was it. If I could have talked to him I would have told him that even though he made mistakes and even though he caused me and many others pain, he was still my father and I will always love him and wish that I could have known him and that underneath everything he was trying to escape he still had a good heart.
My mom, well, more like a sister or best friend, she and I had a unique relationship. I was the mom and she was the daughter for almost my whole life. She and I had somewhat of a falling out around March/April in 2008, you see she had an unreal amount of guilt when my grandma died, she was tormented by all that she had done to my grandma. In March of last year my mom went missing for 2 weeks, I thought she was dead, I almost wished that she was at the time because it was better than what she had really been doing. My mother was also a drug addict. She decided to go and live with someone crazy woman and her family, quit her job and just disappear to get high. I was beyond crushed when she finally called me acting like nothing was wrong. I told her I wanted nothing to do with her, that she would never see me or her grandkids ever again, that she was done breaking my heart. I refused to speak to her for months every time she called I let my phone go to voicemail, some messages she left were as if nothing at all were wrong (she was high), other messages she would plead with me to please call. Finally my step father called and said she was in really bad shape, so I finally talked to her. A week later she ended up in the hospital. She never would tell me exactly what was wrong with her, she was very vague so I just assumed it was drug withdrawls and in the end I was right. My mother committed suicide on August 29th, 2008, so-called accidental overdose, there was a note though, her last thoughts and a good-bye saying she would be able to take care of me better from heaven. I saw her 2 weeks to the day before she died at my cousins wedding. She was in bad shape and I had a feeling that the end was near, but I let my anger get the best of me and I shut her out and didn't stay but maybe 15 minutes with her. I think she knew that I loved her, I just wish I could have been stronger for her. I know that nothing I could say or do would have stopped her, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't have liked the chance to try. I am constantly being told not to beat myself up and I don't I just have big wishes that I know will never come true. So, to my mom I would have said if given the chance- I love you, I know you did the best you could and that you were sick and because of your sickness you weren't as available to me and I'm ok, I'm healing and will continue to heal and most of all I forgive you.
If I died tonight I want all of my family and friends to know I love them and I wish sometimes I could be better at expressing it.
I know my story was heavy, but sometimes I just have to let it out...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
It's Think Thin Thursday folks and my goal for this week is to keep off whatever weight I lose due to having the wretched FLU! :) So far I'm down 2 pounds as of this morning...yay for feeling like I swallowed gravel!! :) Head on over to The Not So Blog-Blog and have a look around, even if you don't have a weightloss goal, her blog is alot of fun!
Let's start with the rules:
The honorees are to: A) first list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! B) pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.
Ok so here goes: Ten honest things about myself!
No particular order....
1. I have no will power when it comes to coffee and chocolate, I have tried to quit, but it's just not happening.
2. I sometimes would like to give my 2 year old away, especially when he's being REALLY naughty! (however I NEVER would cause I love him!)
3. My dog Pudge is more of a pain in my tush than any dog I have ever had and I sometimes want to give her away too!
4. I'm really unorganized, it's something I need help with, Closet Organizers seriously need to see me!
5. I am on 3 different kinds of medication to help keep me sane, so far I don't think they work..hahaha
6. I sometimes lack tact :)
7. I am petrified of failure, yet I know how to pick myself up and dust myself off. If at first you don't succeed try try again!
8. I love my friends as if they were the siblings I've almost always wanted :)
9. My parents damaged me and still to this day I have a hard time letting go of the anger towards them.
10. I am afraid of what people will think after they read this (however, I won't let it keep me up at night) and if you don't like my honesty than that's too bad for you..neener neener neener :)
Now for the people that I am doling out this award too.....drum roll please......
EVERYONE THAT FOLLOWS ME!!!
Thanks for reading and have a great evening! I'm off to die a slow and miserable flu death...(did I mention I am melodramatic..that could be number 11 on my list....)
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
A little cheesy I know, but it was my way of reminding myself to always keep LOVE in front of me as my goal, to be better at it.
There are so many great points in this book, I took away from her story an understanding about the power of prayer and listening to your inner voice. She is a wonderful story teller and does an awesome job of drawing you in and keeping you intrigued while she goes on her spiritual journey. She made me want to travel to all the places she went and experience them for myself :)
I have struggled with Faith for a while, I am such a control freak that I have the hardest time just letting go and giving it to The Man upstairs, even though my heart knows I would be better for it it's my head that gets in my way. I am getting better I believe at chipping away some of my fears, I know that I am the right path these days or at least veering towards the right path.
I am embarking on a new journey, I am going to start school on January 12, I am going for a psychology degree. I chose this path because people fascinate me, I also want to be able to help those that need it. I'm a little nervous, it's been 11 years since I have been in school! I have my first assignment already, I have to write a 300 word autobiographical essay! How do I sum up 30 years of a crazy life in 300 words... Well wish me luck, this will be interesting!
** I finished my autobiographical essay and its a little more than 300 words, it's about 510 :), but the point is I got it done!! **
Monday, January 5, 2009
How to have fun at 30?...have kids..sleep...eat lots of good FOOD..and laugh til it hurts your face!
For dinner that night she made US fabulous tostadas, when I say fabulous I mean sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tasty! Makes my mouth water just thinking about them they were that good! We stayed up fairly late talking and laughing about stuff you guys would probably think is way silly, but all I have to say is FISTS? REALLY!!!! *inside joke*..hehehehe
I'll be posting more pics another time since she has the ones of she and I on her camera! *Thank you Marylin for spending the weekend with my family and my crazy self, maybe I will get to take a vacation from my brain soon?!* Love ya*
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Nate's Hot Wheels stocking stuffers
Nate holding my stocking stuffers..A Harley mug and my fave candy bar- Kit Kat :)
Nate opening his presents one handed..his football was his fave gift..hahaNate's new favorite Toy! and Mine too! This toy is seriously one of the best learning toys I have seen yet! If you have a toddler that is very inquisitive this is the toy for them! :)