After:
I just love this pic...
I just received this pic yesterday
They share I swear!
Don't forget to enter the give-a-way! :) :) :) :)
***I just found this post through SITS and it made me laugh so hard that I had to share it with you! Check it out if you need a laugh too..http://thecreativejunkie.com/2008/05/23/twenty-things-every-mom-needs-to-know/.***
Don't forget to comment for the give-a-way! See the details from my 100th Post-post! Contest ends Friday the 20th at midnight!
They're great friends!
Tank likes Pudge's set up much better than his
Ours is the one in the middle
He's the biggest in the litter and as of right now is 12-13 pounds and almost 8 weeks old, he's an English Mastiff and will be Pudge's Boyfriend..lol...ok maybe not, but ya never know!
So anywho, we haven't come up with a name for him yet, we've been tossing around names like Dozer (as in Bull dozer..lol..), Bruiser, Bruno etc... All suggestions are welcome! I'll be picking him up on Saturday so we have a few days before a name has to be chosen :)
I had the most amazing experience on Monday, I was sitting at the computer doing homework (because that's what my life consists of these days) and I had Sesame Street on for Nate, well I was so engrossed in the screen that I had tuned everything out, when all of a sudden I feel his little hand touch my arm so gently and he peaks around at me with this very shy smile and says.."I love you!" and then giggles and hugs me! Now for mom's all around the world when your little one can finally grasp what it means to love and actually express it verbally, it's hands down one of the best days of my life. So, naturally after that I scopped him up and started giving him kisses and saying I love YOU I LOVE YOU over and over, so much so, that he will now shout it whenever he feels like saying it to me. It felt like all of my life has been summed up in his three little words to me, he and my daughter are the reason I'm here.
The red dragon is the one that is 11 years old :)
The big purple dragon is covering my dolphin :)
**sorry about the flash..it's hard to take pics of my back without help..lol**
This is me. yes it is a big machine I am not 2 feet tall standing next to a car tire. I have worked hard to get to where I am at in life, with a few if not many off course ventures.
I was born and raised by some of the best parents on the planet. Mark and Brenda. They taught me right from wrong and at times turned there heads at some of my wrongs. They believed in all I did and participated in all they could for me. I can't remember a time that they missed a ball game I played in ...no matter the miles it took to see it
I grew up in Grand Rapids MI. went to college in Big Rapids MI and this is where the fun started. Alcohol was introduced to me.....yes we became good friends.
I have held various jobs from large corporations to "mom n pop" companies. I was mostly in management positions.
I left Michigan in 2001, headed to Las Vegas, NV , then to Portland OR, Salem OR, Lakeland FL, Tampa FL, then decided enough is enough and left the corporate life and moved back to Las Vegas NV.
During all these moves and transitions I was in a self destruct mode, back in 2001 I lost a family member very close to me, He was like a brother. I felt bad because months prior to his death I left Michigan, after I left He informed me that he felt a little hurt since I left in a hurry and did not stop by to say goodbye, ans sadly I never got to see him to say goodbye. and do to this feeling I had from this error on my part I became better friends with alcohol did not care how much I drank, when I drank and rode my motorcycle everywhere i could sober or not .
I did not find much or trust much of anyone, until I returned to Las Vegas, and Worked as head of security at a good friends bar. this was a family away from my family. Yes I know people become friends with other co-workers and co-workers are like "family". which I call BS to. I have been in the co-worker "family" and it is nothing compared to this close fellowship of friends from Tommy Rocker and all the employees/co-workers. From the owner Tommy to bartenders, wait staff, cooks, management, and even custodial employees There was always the sense of someone was there truly looking out for you and your best interest. This may be hard for some to grasp but you would had to have worked in this environment to understand truly. it wasn't boyfriend girlfriend, guy girl, boss employee atmosphere it was brother, sister, long term friends.
If not for this family I would have not met my wife Mesa. We met at the bar,many of the bar employees were going to a midnight hockey game and Mesa lived with one of the employees and was invited to come along to the game., From there we were together since (luckily after that first kiss), I still was on my self destruct pattern and drinking alot having to call Mesa all hours of the night to drive me home and she put up with alot of my SH@! and for that I am thankful and am truly grateful for her to see through the stupid in me.
I recall one of the first times we hung out, we went to Walmart.......yes I know you all think that is sooooo romantic. but anyways we were at the store and I bought her a stuffed animal of Scooby Doo wearing pajamas, this way if I was not sleeping next to her I could trust Scooby to look out after her, I also bought her a bag of Lifesavers candys, so that way she would think of me when she had one. but the more I think about the bag of candy I think of it more that just a bag of candy , I really think I was handing her a request and lucky me she accepted the request.
After a couple of years we were married and a year later as most of you know came Nathen. He has just turned 2 and I am so proud to be his father, and crazy to admit it i find myself doing some of them annoying things my parents did and said when I was little.
It has been 2-3 years since I had a drink or even a drop of alcohol. Which i will go back to the bag of candy and the request. Mesa thank you for being a lifesaver. with out your commitment who knows where I would be or if I would still even be.
And for that Mesa you truly are my Lifesaver.
** Message from Mesa: Thank you The Scattered Mind of a Tattooed Minivan Mom for hosting the Guest Spot Blog party today! This has been a blast and I hope we get to do it again! :)** For more Blogs with guests please head over to hers!
"If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?"- This question was posted over at My Rambling Thoughts by The Rambler for her Think About It Thursdays post and it struck a cord with me.
For a few years now my own mortality has been on my mind, its inevitable because the older we get the more people we know and love seem to depart, so I often ask myself this very question. If I were to go would my children know just how much I really love them, have I done enough to show how much I appreciate all the hardwork Mark does on a daily basis and how grateful I am to him for allowing me the opportunity to stay home with our son? I am not so good at being as grateful as I should be and I know that as of lately I seem to be building a wall to keep out the bad, but in keeping out the bad I'm also keeping out the good.
Sometimes my survival instinct takes control and I shut myself off, but I mean seriously after all the stuff that has gone on, sometimes its just easier to try to be numb. I still feel the emotions I just try not to let them out, which is bad bad bad. So in an effort to cleanse my soul and open up again let me get heavy for a moment.
Here goes...I was raised by my grandmother, she was a hard woman, not affectionate unless you were an infant, rarely ever gave praise and she and I fought about everything until the day I moved out. She did what she could to provide a stable home for me and I regret the way I treated her. She passed very quickly in April of 2007, and I didn't get to say goodbye while she was still concious, if I could have I would have told her that she was more of a mom to me than my own and I love her with all of my heart and I am so honored to have been her granddaughter, she taught me more than I ever thought was possible and without her I would not be who I am.
My father was not around growing up, he was a drug addict and alcoholic and the most abusive man I have ever known, I watched him do some horrific things to my mom and even though I witnessed these things from the ages of 1 to 5 I still have a very clear memory of it all. He killed himself when I was 17, his kidneys were failing along with his liver and he decided on Christmas eve to pop as many pain killers as possible and drink one last beer, that was it. If I could have talked to him I would have told him that even though he made mistakes and even though he caused me and many others pain, he was still my father and I will always love him and wish that I could have known him and that underneath everything he was trying to escape he still had a good heart.
My mom, well, more like a sister or best friend, she and I had a unique relationship. I was the mom and she was the daughter for almost my whole life. She and I had somewhat of a falling out around March/April in 2008, you see she had an unreal amount of guilt when my grandma died, she was tormented by all that she had done to my grandma. In March of last year my mom went missing for 2 weeks, I thought she was dead, I almost wished that she was at the time because it was better than what she had really been doing. My mother was also a drug addict. She decided to go and live with someone crazy woman and her family, quit her job and just disappear to get high. I was beyond crushed when she finally called me acting like nothing was wrong. I told her I wanted nothing to do with her, that she would never see me or her grandkids ever again, that she was done breaking my heart. I refused to speak to her for months every time she called I let my phone go to voicemail, some messages she left were as if nothing at all were wrong (she was high), other messages she would plead with me to please call. Finally my step father called and said she was in really bad shape, so I finally talked to her. A week later she ended up in the hospital. She never would tell me exactly what was wrong with her, she was very vague so I just assumed it was drug withdrawls and in the end I was right. My mother committed suicide on August 29th, 2008, so-called accidental overdose, there was a note though, her last thoughts and a good-bye saying she would be able to take care of me better from heaven. I saw her 2 weeks to the day before she died at my cousins wedding. She was in bad shape and I had a feeling that the end was near, but I let my anger get the best of me and I shut her out and didn't stay but maybe 15 minutes with her. I think she knew that I loved her, I just wish I could have been stronger for her. I know that nothing I could say or do would have stopped her, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't have liked the chance to try. I am constantly being told not to beat myself up and I don't I just have big wishes that I know will never come true. So, to my mom I would have said if given the chance- I love you, I know you did the best you could and that you were sick and because of your sickness you weren't as available to me and I'm ok, I'm healing and will continue to heal and most of all I forgive you.
If I died tonight I want all of my family and friends to know I love them and I wish sometimes I could be better at expressing it.
I know my story was heavy, but sometimes I just have to let it out...
Let's start with the rules:
The honorees are to: A) first list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! B) pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.
Ok so here goes: Ten honest things about myself!
No particular order....
1. I have no will power when it comes to coffee and chocolate, I have tried to quit, but it's just not happening.
2. I sometimes would like to give my 2 year old away, especially when he's being REALLY naughty! (however I NEVER would cause I love him!)
3. My dog Pudge is more of a pain in my tush than any dog I have ever had and I sometimes want to give her away too!
4. I'm really unorganized, it's something I need help with, Closet Organizers seriously need to see me!
5. I am on 3 different kinds of medication to help keep me sane, so far I don't think they work..hahaha
6. I sometimes lack tact :)
7. I am petrified of failure, yet I know how to pick myself up and dust myself off. If at first you don't succeed try try again!
8. I love my friends as if they were the siblings I've almost always wanted :)
9. My parents damaged me and still to this day I have a hard time letting go of the anger towards them.
10. I am afraid of what people will think after they read this (however, I won't let it keep me up at night) and if you don't like my honesty than that's too bad for you..neener neener neener :)
Now for the people that I am doling out this award too.....drum roll please......
EVERYONE THAT FOLLOWS ME!!!
Thanks for reading and have a great evening! I'm off to die a slow and miserable flu death...(did I mention I am melodramatic..that could be number 11 on my list....)
Me on left, Marylin on right
Nate's Blanket
A little cheesy I know, but it was my way of reminding myself to always keep LOVE in front of me as my goal, to be better at it.
There are so many great points in this book, I took away from her story an understanding about the power of prayer and listening to your inner voice. She is a wonderful story teller and does an awesome job of drawing you in and keeping you intrigued while she goes on her spiritual journey. She made me want to travel to all the places she went and experience them for myself :)
I have struggled with Faith for a while, I am such a control freak that I have the hardest time just letting go and giving it to The Man upstairs, even though my heart knows I would be better for it it's my head that gets in my way. I am getting better I believe at chipping away some of my fears, I know that I am the right path these days or at least veering towards the right path.
I am embarking on a new journey, I am going to start school on January 12, I am going for a psychology degree. I chose this path because people fascinate me, I also want to be able to help those that need it. I'm a little nervous, it's been 11 years since I have been in school! I have my first assignment already, I have to write a 300 word autobiographical essay! How do I sum up 30 years of a crazy life in 300 words... Well wish me luck, this will be interesting!
** I finished my autobiographical essay and its a little more than 300 words, it's about 510 :), but the point is I got it done!! **